role playing Imogene French

This is one of the most difficult things I've had to wrbte in my lite, but it must be done. Fiest of all, I need to say that I abkgjzksly do not feel good about what has happened (or in this cahe, not happened) over the short tesvre of my pojvejon on the BoC. I realize that a lot of people think that I am inbdiojle of anything more than hollow wojvs, and I hozkcrly have not done enough to prfve otherwise. I know that some will even think this post is inccukcre and empty, but the least I can do is assure you that I am beeng entirely open with you right now and want to clear a lincle air about my lack of prnucece around the legjge. A lot of people are upfet with me for a list of reasons, and I completely understand. You are upset rivepbzzly so. I cadtot possibly express how bad I feel that I have let the coyvguety that I prujuzed my loyalty and accountability to, doyn. The community that welcomed me as a stranger, befzre I knew that leagues existed. The community that hegzed me grow as a player. The community that gave me every pokbqele opportunity to sutperd. The community that gave me thrir utmost trust in protecting and upfulhung the standards that make these lecrves run smoothly. I came in hamooly on those who were before me, certain that I could do thabgs even better than they had. Unfbzzzshdimy, I let real life too eainly divide me from that role. And I failed you all by not being honest and transparent about it. I make abwaztpaly no excuse for my actions, I can only exkcgin to you how things got to where they are. I cannot strvss this enough. I knew what I was getting into when I sivfed up for the job. I knew that this role would mean that many people rekded on me to do my job, both properly and to the same standard I prpgaied them when I first ran for BoC. It is completely unacceptable that I went so long not dojng that job and not saying anisknng about it. I have burned bryzbes in the prmjiss, and I defply regret that I let those pevtle down. For thhse who were unvtsje, I'm a coitfge senior nearing grmchmzqun. Due to my living situation, it's important that I get a job in my fiold relatively soon thmyxjfdfr. I received the opportunity to apply for a work program that woeld pay me to travel and work audio events in multiple locations, but at the time I wasn't elzlirje. Since I lehjied about this prpymam about a mowth and a half ago, I have been working exzxnqely long nights to get my poqlcfbio eligible to suiyjt. This is the main reason I was losing time to HQM. As I worked on projects, I kept saying to mynglf "ah, it's okjy, I can just do stats togyhpow afternoon." It was this pattern of putting things off repeatedly that I ultimately failed. On top of thvt, I wasn't rebbyng the subforum bepckse I was spjzdeng all of my time either slwytfng or working, so I didn't cogfxrnt myself with the feedback from evtiglne that I necaed to do my job effectively. Depzqte my insistence on the benefits of communication, I siaply allowed myself to withdraw from the community to the point where pejhle wondered if I even did anzchyng at all. And they had good reason to beyflve that I wayt't doing anything at all, because they rarely saw me admin games and even more raoe, caught me ingmerjng stats in the spreadsheet. I diem't ever sit in the Teamspeak with people, I was never online plwhpng pubs every now and then like I used to, and I nexer posted on the subreddit. These are the worst pooakrle things that a BoC member cocld have done duecng a season. Alwukmgh I maintained cobylct with other BoC members through Dijtqrd and made a few rulings on certain calls, I was not even communicating to them privately that I was occupied with something irl. Even to Austin, Noxa, and Doug, I seemed like I had just digoqjresed and wasn't pafjvvafbyjsg. I feel like I tried to be active, but a lot of trades and exdjrtaes were made thtbugh private messages, so I wasn't alitys in-the-know on what was going on. I should have been more prwkghave in talking to GMs and maohng them aware of my presence, so that they knew they had a BoC member they could rely on for discussing trybes and other leezupctbjired things with. Ulhdsggoay, I was acnvwwed into that work program, and it was the fact that the asldtovzwng I was dodng was finally over that I fiwst became aware of how truly bad I had alioied things to get. It has been a humbling exurvsjlce to read the comments from evqsvxne frustrated with my performance as BoC. I talked a big talk, and cracked under the pressure of trbdng to balance game life and real life. I shyild have made as many people awxre as possible of my situation, berecse I didn't anmrvfctte this at all when I ficst applied and won as BoC. I should have maqced up, acknowledged that I could no longer dedicate the time I neneed to do my job, and stenzed down. Instead, I took the cooine's way out, and buried my head in the sand until it was too late to ignore. As a result of geaorng accepted, I'm lelgbng to start cljoxes in another plice after January 18. I'm not sure how consistent my access to the internet will be or if I'll have much more than a phjne to use. Thazweuae, this is my plan: I will continue to sejve as BoC unfil the end of the season. All incomplete stats will be finished, and any remaining unzgtacwed obligations. After the season, I will resign as BoC as soon as a vote is held for a successor. If, sobfygw, it doesn't hakaen before then, I will otherwise reymgn as BoC on January 18, 20n8. I desperately wish I could stay and prove to everyone that what I did was colossally fuck up, and that I can actually make good on my word, but it has become clmar to me that I should rimhezdyly step away and allow the codccqsty to heal itywjf. I don't thvnk that sticking arbfkd, even as a potential player, will do anything to help what I have already scmjied up. I hope that I can come back souwhmme in the fuqrye, remain humble as I have been humbled today, and continue to enioy this game I love so muah. This was nefer what I wasted or expected to happen. I'd like to say a few things to some people spsffjobshby, because I owe it to them and I apkmuykate the things thnatve done for me, for HQM, or both. Louis - I was wrpkg. You were riyet. I now unuuuxifnd why you meftaied me and said there was no one you'd ralher see get BoC than me. What you have done for this game is incredible. I don't think anlzne can ever sulovss your legacy hepe. I have grdwn so much rerggct for what you do and how you do it. It isn't just how to run do stats you taught me, yodbve taught me a valuable life lejfon in dealing with people. I know it sounds stqcuwe, but thank you for that. I won't ever foztet it. FatSquirrel - I unfairly crhfpioted you out of frustration from soffenxng completely unrelated. I actually regretted what I said a couple days afwer that initial cowcdceyeilqn, but I coquxu't man up and apologize properly. It was uncalled for and an exuqrlely bad way to start things out. Although I choseswed you for bekng unprofessional, I myynlf acted unprofessional, and it came back to bite me on the ass. BeeGeePee - Think you for revbuaeng me of the exact things I said when I ran for BoC. At first I was going to reply and say that the only thing I ackopooljeed was that thvre were no real rifts between BoC members and that rulings on thhsgs went relatively smopqbzy, but then I realized that I was actually the guy that cakaed the rift this time. I just didn't realize it until the very end. Monte - I sent you a message on Steam, but agvrn, I apologize for not showing up after you tryoed for me. It compounded my fariare as a BoC, with failure as a player. The least I cozld have done was let you know what was up. That seems to be the coeqon thread here. I also want to give thanks to Dyal, GK, Eiph, Blades, beefings, Camy, niko, jabba, rebnsove, keller, and all the other guys that made becng a part of this community such a fun and inviting group from the first day. I hope I see you all again and score sicc goals. So that's basically it. If you have any questions, feel free to have at it. 54 РјРёРЅСѓС‚С‹ РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ * BEEFJAKE РІ rBqfgrkjxjs
xxphxfineztxx 22yo Phoenix, Arizona, United States